Thursday, August 22, 2013

Apparently those aren't highlights




 Growing Old



This whole "getting older" thing is frankly a bit out of control.  I'm going to be honest here...people usually think I'm younger than what I actually am...especially my students who often can't believe I'm the same age as their parents (except for that one kid...who said he thought I was 45...but it's ok, I failed him.)  Anyway, I can honestly say that I've been let down lately by the number of times that I have NOT gotten carded.  Seriously, you're supposed to card anyone who looks under 40...and darn it, I look younger than 40! I think. At the very least, Shirley at the grocery store should be asking me for my ID because if I was going to buy alcohol underage I would have the perfect cover - what underage drinker brings two kids to the grocery store with her with her who call her mom every 10 seconds (which is what happens in the grocery line...usually accompanied by "can I have some gum/tictacs/candy/this movie/this magazine)" and if I were only 19 and the cashier asked for my ID, I would give her a haggard look and say, I'm sorry, I left it at home, but obviously I need this 6-pack of Zima because my kids are driving me crazy," and she would nod sympathetically and completely understand...this is why I should be carded...I could be a 19 year old completely pulling the wool over Shirley's eyes in the checkout line...CARD ME!

Possibly Shirley is not willing to card me because of the streaks of gray that have started decorating my hairline.  The first time I saw them I thought they were highlights from the sun - silvery little streaks that I got without even investing in Sun-In...and then I realized that they weren't highlights...they were GRAY HAIRS!  Or maybe Shirley has noticed my old-lady bunions - seriously, it's like I turned 36 and my feet decided to launch a rebellion against cute shoes.  I used to toddle around on heels all day long, but all of a sudden my feet have grown these rebellious little knobs that are like, "fit me into an Aerosole or die!!!" I'm remembering the 70 year old wedding planner that worked with Chris and I when we got married; she had a wanky second toe that curled freakishly over her big toe, I was incredibly grateful not to have been endowed with her foot issues - alas, I spoke to soon.  I had no idea that feet get mad at you for wearing heels your whole life and decide to fight back.  I'm sorry...I don't do ugly shoes...I AM DOMINICAN.


It wouldn't be so bad if it were these two little superficial things, but it's kind of a wake up call when your doctor begins using the phrase, "At your age."  Let me give you an example from earlier this summer:

"At your age, we want to be more aware of the risks for breast cancer, therefore we are ordering a mammogram."  A mammogram?? I remember my mom's 1st mammogram - those are for old people, not cool, young people like me!!

And, "Your blood tests show that you are Vitamin D deficient and at a risk for osteoporosis." I'm sorry, what? Osteoporosis is what causes little old ladies to have a hunchback - I'm not at risk for that, my back wouldn't dare hunch on me!!

Or, also told to me by a doctor this summer, "I know that you have coached gymnastics your whole life, but at your age, you need to be more careful of the strain you put on your joints." I'm sorry...what?? At my age?  I thought I was just hitting my prime...that's what the magazine's say, but apparently not, apparently I'm hitting the "at your age" age, which came a lot faster than I thought it would.

Anyway, there is still a bit of silver lining (aside from those in my hair).  Yesterday Kaitlyn was updating me about an episode of Toddlers and Tiara's (of course), and our conversation went like this:

Kaitlyn: "Yeah, there was this crazy mom, not, you know, a cute mom like you."
Me: "I'm sorry...did you just call me a cute mom??"
Kaitlyn: "Yeah, and then they were interviewing her..."
Me: "Wait, like a cute mom, like I look cute?"
Kaitlyn: "Mom! I'm trying to tell you a story!"
Me: "Chris, did you hear that? Kaitlyn called me a cute mom!"
Kaitlyn: "Oh my gosh, stop."

Kaitlyn and I being "cute"

So anyway, I may be looking slightly older than 21, and I may have gray hairs and old person feet, and I may have to take it easy in my old age because of my hunchback, but really, all that matters is that my teenage daughter thinks I'm a cute mom, and that's good enough for me...well until next month...which is my birthday...and I'm hoping for botox as a gift...you know, just to be a cute mom a little bit longer.

Lot's of gray and wrinkled small-town love.


1 comment:

  1. Hi my name is Marisa and a have been following you oh for about a month...sorry about not commenting sooner; or maybe i have, not sure exhaustion has got the best of me; I enjoy your posts...hmm I'm also "at your age" group but a few years older, I hate it ... but I too love it when my daughter says I look like a teenager!!!! I beam! Have a great weekend! Marisa

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